NYC To Spend Millions Installing Retractable Spikes On Subway Seats To ‘Poke The Homeless Away At Night’

New York City Mayor Eric Adams told reporters today that the city will be allocating hundreds of millions of dollars to install retractable spikes on subway seats in order to get the homeless to leave the system and go out … Continue reading NYC To Spend Millions Installing Retractable Spikes On Subway Seats To ‘Poke The Homeless Away At Night’

Rand Paul licks and slobbers on doorknob while encouraging americans to achieve herd immunity

Rand Paul Licks & Slobbers on Door Handle While Encouraging Americans to Achieve Herd Immunity

Senator Rand Paul incorrectly asserted today that New York City has achieved herd immunity from COVID-19 and that the rest of the US should follow suit. Paul then proceeded to get down on his knees to lick and slobber on … Continue reading Rand Paul Licks & Slobbers on Door Handle While Encouraging Americans to Achieve Herd Immunity

NYC Might Clean Its Streets For the First Time After Finding $20 Bill While Disinfecting Their Subway

After finally removing all of the filth and grime from NYC subways last night with a thorough cleaning, the NYC Metropolitan Transportation Authority (MTA) excitedly announced this morning that they had found a $20 bill in the process. Upon hearing … Continue reading NYC Might Clean Its Streets For the First Time After Finding $20 Bill While Disinfecting Their Subway

Ronald McDonald drags bloodied, broken leg down 34th Street after boss asks “But you’re coming to work, right?”

Ronald McDonald drags bloody, broken leg down parade route after manager asks “But you’re coming to work, right?”

After sustaining a broken leg and attempting to call out of work this morning, Ronald McDonald was partially guilted and somewhat threatened into working the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. Having already squirt blood down most of the 2.5 mile parade … Continue reading Ronald McDonald drags bloody, broken leg down parade route after manager asks “But you’re coming to work, right?”