Sympathetic Biden and Trump express condolences after “shootings in Narnia, Middle-earth”

Both President Trump and Joe Biden delivered heartfelt speeches to the nation today that addressed this weekend’s mass shootings.

“We need to do something about mental health in this country. It’s bad. Just awful!” Trump exclaimed. “In Narnia alone we lost centaurs, fauns – and some of them, I’m sure, were unicorns.”

Presidential hopeful Joe Biden teared-up as he spoke to a crowd in Pennsylvania.

“It’s senseless and it needs to stop now!” Biden uttered. ” How many elves, hobbits, wizards and dwarfs do we have to loose in places like Middle-earth, which is the heartland and backbone of this country, before we say enough is enough?!”

Meanwhile, residents of Dayton, Ohio and El Paso, Texas are asking Trump and Biden to admit that when it comes to gun control we’re all in Neverland.


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Trump photo by Michael Vadon

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