In a nationwide revelation that’s leaving people shocked, it has come to light that sensory deprivation chambers across the United States are harboring unidentifiable substances and even have dead bodies floating in them, as they are rarely, if ever, cleaned. The reason?

No one can tell they’re dirty.

This disturbing malfeasance was only discovered when a curious client tried tasting the water and said it tasted like anything but saltwater—right before they tragically passed away.

Further investigations have uncovered a more gruesome truth: dead bodies have been found floating in these chambers, leading to the resolution of 37 missing persons cases and counting.

“If you’ve used a chamber, there’s a decent chance a body was floating next to you,” said Sorí Bahdnues, a health department official, who noted that these people likely ingested the contaminated water.

“We figured if clients can’t see, hear, or smell anything, what’s the point of figuring out how to clean?” explained Sharon Blankendumb, the owner of Dead Calm Wellness, an industry-leading sensory deprivation center where 9 bodies were discovered. “It’s actually quite efficient when you think about it.”

Regular clients of these sensory deprivation centers appear divided in their reactions.

“Gross? Sure. But when I’m in there, I don’t notice a thing. I guess that’s the point?” remarked Phil Necroliac, a frequent visitor to sensory deprivation chambers.

Even the cleaning staff is perplexed. “You get in there to clean and immediately think, ‘Oh never mind, I don’t notice any issues,’” said one janitorial worker while poking a floating body with a stick, who wished to remain anonymous. “I basically get paid to do nothing.”

In response to the uproar, these centers nationwide have promised to look into cleaning their chambers but remain non-committal about when that might happen.

“We’ve hired a team of scientists to figure out the most cost-effective and efficient way to clean something that doesn’t appear dirty.”

“Notably, these chambers haven’t been ruled out as the potential cause for COVID-19,” Bahdnues added.

As of press time, patrons will remain deprived of the knowledge of what exactly they’re floating in… or with.

Meanwhile Congress is moving to designate sensory deprivation chambers as a Schedule 1 drug.