Milwaukee, Wisconsin Alderman Jim Bohl has made a sweeping decree to issue flamethrowers to all residents in light of slow and ineffective snow-clearing efforts in the city. An order has already been put in with an undisclosed military manufacturer for nearly 400,000 flamethrowers which should provide for every household in the city.

Alderman Jim Bohl said the city’s plowing response is “inexcusable.”

In a semi-sarcastic statement, Bohl continued:

“Although I understand that this was a heavier snowfall than expected, and – being winter – that the timing was less than ideal, but our Department of Public Works administration obviously can’t do a good enough job of ensuring that our citizens receive the services that they both deserve and pay for,” Bohl said in the release.

Alderman Bohl also announced the termination of snowplow usage in the entire city.

“In lieu of snowplows, I want Milwaukee citizens to all be equipped with a household flamethrower to quickly take care of the job on their own,” stated Bohl.

With the 400,000 flamethrower order being too large for the military manufacturer to cover, Alderman Bohl has opted to provide citizens with M202A1 rocket launchers when the supply of flamethrowers runs out.

Anyone who needs to report an unplowed street is asked to call 414-286-CITY and they will have a flamethrower delivered to their home.

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