Nancy Pelosi and fellow Democrats announced today that they plan to push forward with the collection of evidence in an effort to lube up Republicans across the aisle and get them to impeach president Trump.

“We want to give them a nice tug toward impeachment by repeatedly edging them closer and closer with new facts,” Pelosi stated. “Once we’re certain they can’t hold back from shouting ‘Yea!’, we’ll finish ’em off by sticking the articles of impeachment up in there and bring this all to a surprising and satisfying climax.”