The Center for Disease Control announced today that they will be coordinating efforts to get every American citizen a huge, inflatable bubble suit. The head of the CDC, Robert Redfield, spoke briefly on the decision.

“Sure doors will have to be widened, cars will have to be completely redesigned, there may only be 15 or so people fitting on each airplane, and sex will be completely out of the question,” Redfield stated. “But this is what it has come to. We’re all going to be wearing giant, inflatable condoms. So get used to walking around in one of these fucking things.”