South Carolina Senator and closeted homosexual Lindsey Graham told reporters today that he’d “snort a pound of cocaine out of the president’s chocolate starfish before even considering impeachment.” “That’s right,” a wide-eyed Graham continued. “I’ll take a pound of coke … Continue reading Lindsey Graham: “I’ll snort cocaine out of Donald Trump’s asshole before I’ll vote to impeach”
A White House staffer named Donna Brump, who claims to be “unbelievably close” to President Trump, testified today before Congress. In a shocking series of seemingly unforced admissions, Brump unequivocally proved that president Trump has violated the US Constitution. “I … Continue reading Surprise testimony from Donna Brump proves Trump’s guilt in impeachment hearings
In a show of solidarity with president Trump, prominent Republican lawmakers made waves today when they took a knee during the national anthem. Republicans say they’re protesting the impeachment hearings in Washington DC because they are “un-American.” “When something so … Continue reading Republicans kneel in protest during National Anthem at impeachment hearings
After demanding that the whistleblower be revealed at a Trump rally last night, Senator Rand Paul was met at the front door of his Bowling Green home by fellow libertarian and neighbor Tim Dunleavy who immediately began kicking the ever-living … Continue reading Rand Paul’s neighbor beats his ass again
An unhinged Rudy Giuliani went on NBC’s Meet the Press this morning to announce that he is now being possessed and legally represented by deceased criminal lawyer Johnnie Cochran. According to Giuliani, the famed O.J. Simpson lawyer took over his … Continue reading Rudy Giuliani says he’s hired the ghost of Johnnie Cochran as his defense lawyer
In a sweeping move, president Trump signed an executive order today that pardons Republicans of any and all crimes. The order, which also releases any registered Republicans who are incarcerated, completely exonerates any future wrongdoings by right-wing public figures and … Continue reading Impeachment probe ends as Trump preemptively pardons all Republicans
Despite pushback from his personal lawyer Rudy Giuliani, Congress says that president Trump will be tried as an adult throughout the impeachment process. “Mr. Trump throws tantrums, says everything is unfair, only wants junk food and has tiny hands,” Giuliani … Continue reading Breaking: Trump to be tried as an adult during impeachment
A visibly flush Nancy Pelosi revealed at a press conference today that the infamous Trump pee tape is now in the hands of the democrats. “The tape doesn’t add anything to the president’s laundry list of naughty, impeachable offenses,” Pelosi … Continue reading Pelosi: “We have the pee tape and it’s hot as hell”
President Trump included over 1,750 nude photos of himself with whistleblower evidence that he sent to House Democrats. The naked images are making it nearly impossible for investigators to sift through information without becoming violently ill. “The impeachment inquiry is … Continue reading Trump releases thousands of nude photos to distract from impeachment proceedings
