Warmer temperatures this weekend will reinforce that you are a lazy slob with no hobbies

With temperatures warming up, and plenty of things to do, most Americans will spend the weekend on the couch binge watching TV. “By 4pm or so on a Sunday, the majority of citizens will once again realize that they’re doing … Continue reading Warmer temperatures this weekend will reinforce that you are a lazy slob with no hobbies

Google: “We’ll buy Fitbit as soon as they remove all the masturbation data”

Google announced today that they’ve offered to buy Fitbit for $2.1 billion as soon as the company can isolate and remove all data derived from user masturbation. Google says they plan to implement the “fap-free data” in their wearable technology. … Continue reading Google: “We’ll buy Fitbit as soon as they remove all the masturbation data”

Chris Christie Banned From Debates Until He Can Gain Self-Awareness

Chris Christie Banned From Debates Until He Can Gain Self-Awareness

Grossly obese Republican Presidential candidate and New Jersey Governor Chris Christie has been banned from further debates until he can become fully aware of both himself and the world around him. The ban, which was handed down by the Republican … Continue reading Chris Christie Banned From Debates Until He Can Gain Self-Awareness