Our Divine Creator who lives in the heavens finally lost His holy shit with the ungodly Hobby Lobby today after the company refused to close its doors during the pandemic; putting underpaid workers and customers at risk. As punishment, God gave owners David and Barbara Green the coronavirus.

“First they did the birth control thing, then they purchased stolen ancient artifacts, and on top of that they loathe the gays,” God stated. “So Barbara might call herself the ‘prayer warrior’ of her family, and claim that she talks to me, but I just gave that heartless liar the coronavirus.”