Sarah Stephenson, who has always lived in Naperville, Illinois, is dead sure that she was born and raised in the best place in the entire world. After being part of a poll by the PEW Research Team in which they interviewed nearly 3,200 people, PEW reported that Sarah – age 32 – was the most unwavering and adamant individual that they had randomly contacted.

The script of the recorded conversation is here in its entirety:

*                 *                 *
      BEGIN SCRIPT

PEW Representative: Hello, my name is Steven from the PEW Research Team. We are conducting a quick survey about why people choose to live where they do. Do you have 5 minutes do answer a couple questions for research?

Stephenson: Everything I need is literally here!

PEW Rep.: So, you will answer the questions, ma’am?

Stephenson: Yah, sure. This is easy. Bring ’em!

PEW Rep.: Oh… okay then thank you! Uh, the first question is: “Do you live in the same city, or within 25 miles of where you were born?”

Stephenson: Of course! This is Naperville, Illinois! I’m not dumb! Go Naperville North Huskies!

PEW Rep.: Okay thank you. The next question is: Have you traveled to anywhere exotic or more than 100 miles from your place of birth?

Stephenson: Well I’ve ventured out nearly 25 miles to Aurora, IL to the West. It was terrible. No clue why anyone would choose to live there.

PEW Rep.: So you’re saying that you haven’t been to another country or even another state?

Stephenson: Well I did take that one trip to Panama City for Spring Break that one time. But I don’t remember it because I was always pretty much blacked out.

PEW Rep.: Got it. Thank you. So do you feel like you are living in the best place in the United States?

Stephenson: Well duh! I was born here. I feel comfortable here. It’s in the best part of the best country in the world… So yah. Duh, of course!

PEW Rep.: So do you feel that there should be advertisements taken out to inform others of how great… uhh.. Naperville, Illinois is?

Stephenson: Well I don’t know what we would put in the ads other than the area feels safe, comfortable, the same, and… did I say safe?

PEW Rep.: Yes, yes you did.

Stephenson: Well that’s because I do feel safe staying here. Forever. Go Huskies!

In the end, A the Pew Social & Demographic Trends survey found that nearly four-in-ten Americans have never left the place in which they were born. When asked why they live where they do, “movers” most often cite the pull of economic opportunity. “Stayers” most often cite the tug of family and connections.

Sarah Stephenson has since filed a somewhat formal complaint with the PEW research team as the representative that interviewed her on the phone allegedly told her that, “There are literally thousands of schools with a Husky as their mascot. Get over it. You’re 32 years old.”

Thank you for reading. For more of the latest news and entertainment, follow us on Facebook.