Scott Walker Believes Only Thing Between Him & Presidency is Dog Allergies

According to 2016 Presidential hopeful Scott Walker (Gov. WI – R) the only thing standing between him and the White House in 2016 are his nagging dog allergies. Walker, who never waivers on any past move as governor of Wisconsin, sees his need of having a “Presidential Dog” as being the only thing barring him from holding the highest office in the United States.

“I think I can let my track record speak for itself,” stated Walker. “Yet, I know that there haven’t been any worthwhile presidents who did not have a dog. I mean, Chester A. Arthur was the only president with no pets, and let’s be honest – who the fuck [sic] was Chester A. Arthur?”

Indeed, as history shows, it appears that the only other president to not have a dog besides Chester was William McKinley – who had roosters, a Yellow-headed Mexican parrot named Washington Post, and two Angora kittens named Valeriano Weyler and Enrique DeLome.

Walker, a successful college dropout, was aware of many Presidential Dog and pet facts and had this to comment about the 1897 to September 1901 leader of the free world:

“We all know that McKinley made hard foreign policy moves with China and took us to war with Spain over Cuban independence, but he helped the United States to become a new and more powerful empire on the world stage – which I’d love to do.”

Walker paused briefly, then continued, “Yet, the fact that he let these animals from Mexico and ancient day Turkey come to our country illegally does infuriate me… and as long as we are at it, Washington Post is a shitty name for a pet.”

His words echoed of his sentiments on march 13th, 2015 in which he supported a pathway to citizenship.

“If I were McKinley and I had wanted a stupid Yellow-headed Mexican, the Washington Post, and two Angorans in my country, then I would have made them wait to become legal citizens like the rest of the illegal animals in this country will have to when I’m president.”