(Rochester, MN) The Mayo Clinic medical center announced today that it is weighing the pros and cons of offering non-mayonnaise-based treatments for the first time in their 156 years of operation.

“After reporting zero breakthroughs in our COVID-19 testing labs by injecting patients with mayonnaise, the Mayo Clinic is now strongly considering other forms of medicine that are not centered around this off-white, delicious condiment,” CEO Gregory Ferarra stated.

The Mayo Clinic says this new mayo-free approach could also spread to their heart disease research program, which so far has seen a zero percent recovery rate for patients that are placed on a strict, mayonnaise-based diet.