First Lady, Melania Trump, has now disclosed that Donald Trump’s very existence is her fault. Formerly an archeologist in the early 19th century, Melania went on to unearth Donald in Egypt back in April of 1909.

Offering full-disclosure, Melania explained what happened to her, why we are here as a country today, and why it’s ‘so fucking nice’ to not live near him anymore.

We were digging and I kept hearing this voice whispering things like “Huuuuge find” and “Sad, sad if you stop digging. So sad,” claimed a shaken Melania.

“The promises he makes are all part of an ancient, annoying curse. I mean, he gave me eternal life and beauty, but I was not told what the contingencies would be. I’ve remained young and attractive, but after awhile you must ask yourself ‘at what cost?'” stated Melania. “We must ask ourselves the same question today in America.”

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