The Supreme Court will soon have 10 members as Joe Biden announced today that he will be replacing the retiring justice Breyer with not one, but two justices.
“When they told me I gotta replace Breyer I asked, ‘Why would ice cream have to retire? And what’s it doing sitting on the bench in the first place!?'” a bewildered Biden yelled.
“Anyway, so as to not upset the apple cart too much, I will be replacing Breyer with both Ben and Jerry. Ice cream for ice cream,” Biden whispered into the microphone. “They will make a great addition to the Supreme Court and there’s just so many different flavors.”
Later in the day, Fox News reporter Peter Doocy asked White House press secretary Jen Psaki “what the fuck” Biden was talking about.
“To be fair, there’s nothing in the Constitution that says Supreme Court justices have to be human,” a prepared Psaki said while reading from her binder. “In fact, it does not specify qualifications to be a justice – like profession, education, age, or native-born citizenship.”
“You don’t even have to be a lawyer or law school graduate – and apparently you can be a rapist. The president will take ice cream over a rapist every day of the week, you stupid son-of-a-bitch.”