CDC Director Robert Redfield told a Senate panel today that he believes a COVID-19 vaccine should be available soon and that “US citizens can expect to return to their normal, shitty lives by the end of 2021.” “We know the … Continue reading CDC: Expect a Return to Your Normal, Shitty Life By the End of 2021
The Center for Disease Control announced today that they will be coordinating efforts to get every American citizen a huge, inflatable bubble suit. The head of the CDC, Robert Redfield, spoke briefly on the decision. “Sure doors will have to … Continue reading CDC: ‘Get Used to Walking Around in One of These Fucking Things’
The Center for Disease Control announced today that they’ve discovered a new strain of herpes that causes humans to grow extra nipples. Referred to as “nerpes,” the contagious disease has been discovered in 27 states so far. “Symptoms include flare-ups … Continue reading CDC reports new strain of herpes that causes extra nipples to grow on your body
