A new study from Cambridge University released on Saturday revealed that everyone is always right.
For years now you always thought your opinions and worldview were accurate, but now you can say, without a doubt, you are scientifically proven to always be in the right.
Dr. Tessa Blackman of Cambridge unveiled the news yesterday after a series of double-blind studies confirmed the unthinkable.
“It seemed it was a fluke at first, but after all the testing was done… it turned out that everyone was always right,” stated Blackman.
Participants in the advanced tests were asked a series of questions by Cambridge scientists ranging from war justification, political ideals, civil rights issues and concerns about the environment. The results were staggering.
“Fifty-eight percent of the time subjects would usually know what we were asking about; regardless, they would always have a firm and unwavering stance.” Blackman continued,”Now nobody has a reason to ever think anyone else is ignorant, uneducated, or insane.”
Dr. Blackman did warn that the study had subjects isolated from others and that there was no Wikipedia or facebook available.
“The lack of social media and a pseudo-encyclopedia left people without the ability to back up their positions by dragging in like-minded friends to the enemy’s ‘timeline’. It also didn’t allow for the copying and pasting of information from sometimes somewhat trustworthy cited sources – depending on your past indoctrination,” explained Blackman.
“Let me put it this way, if you think that this study is faulty, then you are right, otherwise you are right, either way the other person will burn in hell,” concluded Blackman.
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One thought on “Cambridge University Study Unveils That “Everyone is Correct””
The axes of the chart, above, seem designed to prove what Dr. Blackman says, but they make no sense to me. These kinds of studies need to reveal what is happening over a continuous spectrum; e.g., high to low, conservative to liberal, etc. The chart above doesn’t do this and contradicts itself in my opinion.
Reading this has, unfortunately, been a waste of my time.