In a new, bizarre revelation the deal that the Philadelphia Eagles made with former NFL quarterback Tim Tebow has been adjusted once more at Tebow’s request. What was initially a $0 guarantee if he were cut from the team has now turned into one big ZERO – no matter what. Continue reading Tim Tebow Changes Mind – Philadelphia Eagles to Pay Him in Prayer
Today, the polling organization Gallup announced that President Barack Obama has officially uttered the phrase “let me be clear,” for the 1,000th time in a televised speech. Gallup Poll, which is known for their unbiased, informative polls is now facing … Continue reading Obama Hits Milestone with 1000th Utterance of “Let me be clear”
“After listening to Cher’s pitch we had a meeting of the minds at Facebook headquarters,” stated Zuckerberg. “The adjustments we are slated to make will not change the user experience overall, but simply help Cher to increase her marketability. The move was a no-brainer on the whole.” Continue reading Cher Pens Deal With Facebook: Get Ready for ‘Big Changes’
“I think I can let my track record speak for itself,” stated Walker. “Yet, I know that there haven’t been any worthwhile presidents who did not have a dog. I mean, Chester A. Arthur was the only president with no pets, and let’s be honest – who the fuck [sic] was Chester A. Arthur?” Continue reading Scott Walker Believes Only Thing Between Him & Presidency is Dog Allergies
As the only news source to solely cover the Saturday Night Live skit – and the fact that Bill Clinton has lost it – the assumed Democratic frontrunner is condemning all news sources other than Fox News. Continue reading Fox News Favors Hillary Clinton, Establishes Symbiotic Relationship
Michelle Obama described the move Tuesday evening while dining at Oyamel Cocina Mexicana – one of the premiere Mexican dining establishments in D.C.
“The Spanish alphabet is not far-off from that of what most English speaking Americans are used to,” Michelle Obama said, “Plus, this can actually be looked at as a fun…” Continue reading Michelle Obama to Push Spanish Characters into American-English Alphabet
…A move which undoubtedly does not allow Christians to express their personally-held convictions that they are entitled to under an Amendment.
Talk show radio host Rush Limbaugh, upon hearing about the gay, atheist-owned bakery in Bloomington from a caller decided to reveal just how unfair the “Godless, liberals in this country have become.” He issued this challenge to his listeners in the Greater Bloomington area… Continue reading Gay, Atheist-Owned Bakery Indifferent About What Cakes They Make
In an almost immediate response to Obama’s speech, a livid John Boehner was broadcast live on Fox News – interrupting portions of Megyn Kelly’s “The Kelly File” and… Continue reading Iran Talks: Obama to Allow One Nuclear Weapon Per Year
In his official comments on the passage of the new fence bill, Pence stated that this would it make a statement telling other states to “butt out of Indiana politics,” but also, it would “add hundreds of thousands of minimum wage jobs for the state and effectively negate the effects of major companies and events leaving or boycotting Indiana.” Continue reading Indiana Passes Law to Build Border Fence in Response to Travel Bans
“At this point I realized that something was up,” stated Johnson “because he would get mad if I walked on the side of him that the arrows on his shirt weren’t pointing at… and ALL of the shirts had an arrow.” Continue reading Ex-Gay’s Parents Will Not Accept “New Lifestyle Choice”
Thank you for reading my latest informative news article. Check out more stories below – or like my Facebook Page to get the latest. Continue reading Widowed Grandmother Could Give “Two Shits” About “20-Something Year Old” Grandson’s “Feeling Lonely on Valentine’s Day” Facebook Status
Thank you for reading my latest informative news article. Check out more stories below – or like my Facebook Page to get the latest. Continue reading Man’s Penis Has Lost Almost All Confidence
(Breaking News) Thank you for reading my latest informative news article. Check out more stories below – or like my Facebook Page to get the latest. Continue reading Daily Show’s John Stewart Steps Down, Brian Williams to Replace
“We need to seriously reduce the amount of plastic-related deaths in Lexington,” Connor said.
The Lexington ban will leave ‘breathable’ paper bags as the only option for local residents. Restrictions on bags include all sizes of plastic trash/garbage bags, clear Ziplock bags, slider grip bags, and, – at Connors request – laboratory mini-grip re-sealing bags and specimen transportation bags.
Continue reading Plastic Bags Banned in Lexington, Kentucky
Thank you for reading my latest informative news article. Check out more stories below – or like my Facebook Page to get the latest. Continue reading Monsanto to Create Talking Food That Will Curb Loneliness, Overeating
“This lengthy, intricate study was conducted by the folks at the Harvard Center for Brain Science and incorporated proven Penis Responsiveness Technology (PRT) and Brainwave Function Reading (BFR) from leading scientists from the Biomimetic Robotics Lab at MIT.” Continue reading Harvard Study Reveals that All Homophobic Men are Gay
A recent in-depth study by the American Pornography Society (APS) reveals that the massive ongoing sex scandals in the Catholic Church have considerably hurt the “religious pervert on preteen” genre of the multi-billion dollar adult industry. Steve Owens, the head of Research and Development at APS tearfully released the shocking information late Friday night. “It’s just saddening. Saddening and disgusting,” Owens said, “To think that such a great genre of adult entertainment could be ransacked by such an evil group of unabashedly sick men.” Owens continued by stating the major differences between the boy rape of the Catholic Church and … Continue reading Somewhat Popular Pornography Genre Takes A Dive in Revenue
For years now you always thought your opinions and worldview were accurate, but now you can say, without a doubt, you are scientifically proven to always be in the right. Continue reading Cambridge University Study Unveils That “Everyone is Correct”
