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BP Won't Stop Oil Leak, Enjoying Attention

BP Won’t Stop Oil Leak, Enjoying Attention

British Petroleum(BP), announced today that it could have stopped the massive oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico almost immediately, but they chose not to.

Michael Stedmier, head of BP public relations, released a statement today saying that, “Basically, none of this ever had to happen.”

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New iPhone Application Encourages Users to Drive Drunk

“You are swerving,” the program warns, ” try closing one eye.”

Additionally, there are several celebrity voice options to choose from, such as: Mel Gibson, Betty White, and Lindsey Lohan, to name a few.

While driving, your phone will tell you how many miles you have left to your destination, all the while, reciting

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Man Kicked Out of Barnes & Noble for Reading Out Loud

“At first I thought she was kidding, because we like to have a good time at the store, but then I walked up to him and he gave me that same ‘what the hell are you staring at’ look that Debra had described.”

Philsmoore told reporters that he wasn’t even that mad until Wellington began to increase his volume.

“It was like he was mocking me. The old bastard wouldn’t quit.”