For years now you always thought your opinions and worldview were accurate, but now you can say, without a doubt, you are scientifically proven to always be in the right.
British Petroleum(BP), announced today that it could have stopped the massive oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico almost immediately, but they chose not to.
Michael Stedmier, head of BP public relations, released a statement today saying that, “Basically, none of this ever had to happen.”
“You are swerving,” the program warns, ” try closing one eye.”
Additionally, there are several celebrity voice options to choose from, such as: Mel Gibson, Betty White, and Lindsey Lohan, to name a few.
While driving, your phone will tell you how many miles you have left to your destination, all the while, reciting
Hey there, it’s me, Focus on the Family. Just uhhhh…. well there’s no easy way to say this. I was minding my business the other day when I decided I would take a peek in a window or three… five, who’s counting right?…
“At first I thought she was kidding, because we like to have a good time at the store, but then I walked up to him and he gave me that same ‘what the hell are you staring at’ look that Debra had described.”
Philsmoore told reporters that he wasn’t even that mad until Wellington began to increase his volume.
“It was like he was mocking me. The old bastard wouldn’t quit.”
Man versus Food has been cited as one of the main causes of death. A show in which one bloated, obese, and sweaty man stuffs his face with ridiculous amounts of food, often to the point of vomiting. One Zambian, Sonkwe Meluhli, has seen half of her family members end their lives.