Pope Says Nepal Earthquake is an ‘Act of God’ and Calls for Change

“I know that normally previous Popes and religious leaders would ask you to pray for those in Nepal,” stated Pope Francis. “In lieu of this, I’m asking for people to

Tim Tebow Changes Mind – Philadelphia Eagles to Pay Him in Prayer


In a new, bizarre revelation the deal that the Philadelphia Eagles made with former NFL quarterback Tim Tebow has been adjusted once more at Tebow’s request. What was initially a $0 guarantee if he were cut from the team has now turned into one big ZERO – no matter what.

Obama Hits Milestone with 1000th Utterance of “Let me be clear”

Today, the polling organization Gallup announced that President Barack Obama has officially uttered the phrase “let me be clear,” for the 1,000th time in a televised speech. Gallup Poll, which is known for their unbiased, informative polls is now facing criticism from many on the left for even monitoring such a fact. Keith Olbermann took time on his occasionally political ESPN2 show, which is aptly named “Olbermann” to comment. “Gallup is run by mostly white males who are just mad that a black man is in charge of the country and can speak very well.” Olbermann continued, “They picked a single trait this intelligent American leader has and decided to make it seem like a flaw. He has no flaws.” Jesse Jackson joined Olbermann in the 10 minute segment and simply stated that, “Obama is on fleek, these crackers at giddy-up are devoid of the tenacity to recognize.” When reached for comment a spokesperson for Gallup Poll stated that they “started tracking it after about the 50th time we had heard it. It was the most fucking [sic] annoying thing once we realized he’d just keep saying it.” Gallup also admits that they tried to alter polls that Obama was in during his first elected term when it came to approval ratings and while he ran for re-election, but the numbers were so good that it didn’t matter that they tried to make him look “a bit worse.” Thank you for reading my latest informative news article. Check out more stories below – or like our Facebook page.

Cher Pens Deal With Facebook: Get Ready for ‘Big Changes’


“After listening to Cher’s pitch we had a meeting of the minds at Facebook headquarters,” stated Zuckerberg. “The adjustments we are slated to make will not change the user experience overall, but simply help Cher to increase her marketability. The move was a no-brainer on the whole.”

Scott Walker Believes Only Thing Between Him & Presidency is Dog Allergies


“I think I can let my track record speak for itself,” stated Walker. “Yet, I know that there haven’t been any worthwhile presidents who did not have a dog. I mean, Chester A. Arthur was the only president with no pets, and let’s be honest – who the fuck [sic] was Chester A. Arthur?”

Fox News Favors Hillary Clinton, Establishes Symbiotic Relationship


As the only news source to solely cover the Saturday Night Live skit – and the fact that Bill Clinton has lost it – the assumed Democratic frontrunner is condemning all news sources other than Fox News.

Michelle Obama to Push Spanish Characters into American-English Alphabet


Michelle Obama described the move Tuesday evening while dining at Oyamel Cocina Mexicana – one of the premiere Mexican dining establishments in D.C.

“The Spanish alphabet is not far-off from that of what most English speaking Americans are used to,” Michelle Obama said, “Plus, this can actually be looked at as a fun…”

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