The NRA Spent Hundreds of Millions of Dollars on Viagra for Executives

“Because you can’t fire a gun in the bedroom, it can be very difficult for our members to achieve an erection without penis pills.”

41% of American Adults Are Hiding Gold Bullion From Their Partner

“It’s nice to know that my wife has a backup plan in case our marriage fails because it means we still have something in common.”

Trump Says He Wonders What Babies Taste Like at Wisconsin Rally

“Wrap the baby beautifully in a flour tortilla and toss it in the oven,” Trump stated while wiping saliva from his chin. “If you do all of that, then maybe I take a little bite. A nibble. I don’t know. I don’t know.”

Elizabeth Warren Says She’ll Divorce Her Husband and Marry a Woman to Win the Presidency

Elizabeth Warren announced today at a campaign rally that she is “ready and willing” to divorce her husband of 39 years and marry her “lifelong best friend Barb.”

Tucker Carlson Forgets to Remove Klan Robe, Walks On to Set of Fox & Friends

“None of them seemed phased by Carlson. It was like the [expletive] Twilight Zone.”

Tostitos Releases Extreme Mild Salsa For White People

Tostitos describes their new Extreme Mild Clear Salsa for White People® as being a thick, gelatinous substance for those with genetic spice sensitivities.

Kanye West Was Selling Damaged Condoms at Coachella for $125

“Someone from that festival will be having an unwanted child that babbles bullshit for years; so when that happens, I highly recommend they name it Kanye.”

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