Obama Hits Milestone with 1000th Utterance of “Let me be clear”

Today, the polling organization Gallup announced that President Barack Obama has officially uttered the phrase “let me be clear,” for the 1,000th time in a televised speech. Gallup Poll, which is known for their unbiased, informative polls is now facing criticism from many on the left for even monitoring such a fact. Keith Olbermann took time on his occasionally political ESPN2 show, which is aptly named “Olbermann” to comment. “Gallup is run by mostly white males who are just mad that a black man is in charge of the country and can speak very well.” Olbermann continued, “They picked a single trait this intelligent American leader has and decided to make it seem like a flaw. He has no flaws.” Jesse Jackson joined Olbermann in the 10 minute segment and simply stated that, “Obama is on fleek, these crackers at giddy-up are devoid of the tenacity to recognize.” When reached for comment a spokesperson for Gallup Poll stated that they “started tracking it after about the 50th time we had heard it. It was the most fucking [sic] annoying thing once we realized he’d just keep saying it.” Gallup also admits that they tried to alter polls that Obama was in during his first elected term when it came to approval ratings and while he ran for re-election, but the numbers were so good that it didn’t matter that they tried to make him look “a bit worse.” Thank you for reading my latest informative news article. Check out more stories below – or like our Facebook page.

Scott Walker Believes Only Thing Between Him & Presidency is Dog Allergies

YouReadyGrandma

“I think I can let my track record speak for itself,” stated Walker. “Yet, I know that there haven’t been any worthwhile presidents who did not have a dog. I mean, Chester A. Arthur was the only president with no pets, and let’s be honest – who the fuck [sic] was Chester A. Arthur?”

Michelle Obama to Push Spanish Characters into American-English Alphabet

YouReadyGrandma

Michelle Obama described the move Tuesday evening while dining at Oyamel Cocina Mexicana – one of the premiere Mexican dining establishments in D.C.

“The Spanish alphabet is not far-off from that of what most English speaking Americans are used to,” Michelle Obama said, “Plus, this can actually be looked at as a fun…”

Gay, Atheist-Owned Bakery Indifferent About What Cakes They Make

…A move which undoubtedly does not allow Christians to express their personally-held convictions that they are entitled to under an Amendment.

Talk show radio host Rush Limbaugh, upon hearing about the gay, atheist-owned bakery in Bloomington from a caller decided to reveal just how unfair the “Godless, liberals in this country have become.” He issued this challenge to his listeners in the Greater Bloomington area…

Iran Talks: Obama to Allow One Nuclear Weapon Per Year

In an almost immediate response to Obama’s speech, a livid John Boehner was broadcast live on Fox News – interrupting portions of Megyn Kelly’s “The Kelly File” and…

Indiana Passes Law to Build Border Fence in Response to Travel Bans

YouReadyGrandma

In his official comments on the passage of the new fence bill, Pence stated that this would it make a statement telling other states to “butt out of Indiana politics,” but also, it would “add hundreds of thousands of minimum wage jobs for the state and effectively negate the effects of major companies and events leaving or boycotting Indiana.”

Plastic Bags Banned in Lexington, Kentucky

YouReadyGrandma

“We need to seriously reduce the amount of plastic-related deaths in Lexington,” Connor said.

The Lexington ban will leave ‘breathable’ paper bags as the only option for local residents. Restrictions on bags include all sizes of plastic trash/garbage bags, clear Ziplock bags, slider grip bags, and, – at Connors request – laboratory mini-grip re-sealing bags and specimen transportation bags.

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