Congressman Bob Brady Receives Restraining Order from Pope Francis


Congressman Bob Brady, who stole Pope Francis’s half-finished water glass after the pontiff’s address to congress, has been issued a restraining order to stay at least 500 feet away from the religious leader. Brady immediately took the glass of water to his wife, and two staffers in his office, where they then sipped the water and saved the rest because…

Chris Christie Banned From Debates Until He Can Gain Self-Awareness


Grossly obese Republican Presidential candidate and New Jersey Governor Chris Christie has been banned from further debates until he can become fully aware of both himself and the world around him. The ban, which was handed down by the Republican National Committee (RNC), came after he gave Air Force Brig. Gen. Michael Cunniff 90 days to lose weight. Christie, who has hovered above 300lbs and stands at 5’11” is considered by professionals to be “morbidly obese” and “inherently delusional.” “Although we know he has had a LAP-BAND® surgery, that clearly hasn’t helped him to manage his weight,” stated RNC Chairman Reince Priebus. “This ban can be considered a means of giving his ego the same procedure, but who knows if that will even help.” According to the RNC, Christie is considered to be one of the few Republican Candidates who has a chance of gaining self-awareness. “We gave up on Donald (Trump) before he even announced his run,” said Priebus. “We believe the few other candidates who have a chance are Lindsey Graham, Rick Santorum, and Carly Fiorina – but there are severe doubts.” The Republican National Committee offered us a quick breakdown on the shortcomings of these three potential candidates” – “Lindsey Graham is a very effeminate individual with a name that is stereotypically that of a woman. The last thing we need is Mr. Rodgers reincarnate getting caught with schedule III drugs and a male prostitute, intern, or page while in office.” – “Rick Santorum needs to wipe that shit-eating grin off of his face and actually say something meaningful that rallies our basic, conservative base. Maybe he should make fun of Lindsey’s lack of masculinity to gain some man points.” – “Carly Fiorina needs to stop being a woman and having opinions. We actually think she’d be a great Secretary of State – so long as she doesn’t mention equal pay or figure out that Planned Parenthood does much, much more than legal abortions under Roe v. Wade.” When reached for comment, Chris Christie’s campaign said that they refused to comment, minus commenting that they refused to comment. So that makes sense… Thank you for reading my latest informative news article. Check out more stories below – or like my Facebook Page to get the latest. (Photo by DonkeyHotey – no endorsement implied)

American Families Blast Target for Removing Gender Labels

Target has announced that it is going to remove boy and girl labels from various aisles and items – including the toy section of its stores. The move, which will make at least all toys (and bedding) non-gender labeled, has caused an uproar in the United States.

Donald Trump Wins First Republican Debate by a Landslide


it certainly appears that Presidential hopeful Donald Trump outperformed the rest of the potential candidates on Thursday night’s FOX News sponsored Republican debate. Indeed, the real…

Former President George W. Bush Rejected From Jury Duty


The 43rd President even took time to take several photos with other U.S. citizens who had been summoned.

Those who met Bush said that he was very lively and animated.

Seattle Regrets Raising the Minimum Wage to $15 an Hour

Indeed, people who work these “entry level jobs” are not only reportedly draining their struggling employers, but also complaining about it at the same time.

Breaking: Pope Francis Admits to Marijuana Usage


The Pope’s admission of cannabis usage understandably resulted in many follow-up questions. Lauren Green, Chief Religion Correspondent for the Fox News Channel, asked Pope Francis why he felt that he was “in any position to speak against so-called ‘modern capitalism’.”

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