Over 100 Million Eggs Recalled on Easter Over Concerns They’re Making Kids Gay

“Eggland’s Best apologizes if we’ve torn apart any families because of our gay eggs.”

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Johnson & Johnson Releases New ‘Extra Tears’ Baby Shampoo

Johnson & Johnson is introducing the product after research proved that about 87% of parents were looking for ways to “get back at their babies” – in a fairly harmless way – for the countless sleepless nights, spit-ups, disgusting diapers, nasty farts and constant fussing.”

Frustrated Waldo From ‘Where’s Waldo?’ Books Just Wants to Jerk Off in Peace

Back in 1987, the distinctively dressed Waldo set out to have a quick, private wank. Now, 33 years later, what was supposed to be a five minute meat beating bonanza, has turned into a world-wide journey in search of a place to rub one out.

Disgusting Lactose Intolerant People Emit the Same Amount of Methane as Dairy Cows

“I can tell you how the world ends right now. We fart ourselves to death.” – Stanford Professor Böse Blahung

Eric Trump is Currently Locked in a Room That’s Being Pumped Full of Pollution

Mr. Cox has locked Eric Trump in the White House’s cold storage room next to the bowling alley in an attempt to show that air pollution does not harm humans.

Weird Tech: Watch the Life Story of Animals as You Eat Them

“Unless Redbox starts squeezing out moist, two-year-old prosciutto with every DVD, I have no idea how they’re going to compete with this.”

Mueller Report Says President Trump has a Severe Flatulence Problem

“It’s not uncommon for the President to fart himself awake. Then, when he can’t fall back asleep, Mr. Trump passes the time on Twitter.”

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