Green Chicago River Full of Vomit by 10 AM

YouReadyGrandma

“We’re just going to burn the alcohol-laced vomit off like every year, that’s where the city gets its signature smell.” – Chicago Gov. J.B. Pritzker

Breaking: Extremism Ban Passes US House & Senate

YouReadyGrandma

“If you’re banned you’ll be relocated to a garbage island off the coast of New Jersey.” – Nancy Pelosi

Trump Eats 17 McDonald’s Apple Pies for Pi Day

YouReadyGrandma

“Mr. Trump rationalized eating 17 apple pies before vomiting all over himself and his desk. It makes sense to us, but we don’t expect the mainstream media to get it.” – Sarah Huckabee Sanders

Victoria’s Secret: Cube-Shaped Bras and Breasts Are ‘Trend of The Future’

YouReadyGrandma

“Sqoobz aren’t comfortable to wear by any means. Your tits will be flopping around in there.” – Victoria’s Secret CEO Jan Singer

Democrats to Occupy Wisconsin Until 2020 Election

YouReadyGrandma

“Milwaukee should brace itself for about 700 campaign rallies in the next 603 days.” – Gov. Tony Evers

27 Cars Nearly Crash Into President Trump’s Motorcade

YouReadyGrandma

“You’ve got some bad drivers down here in Opelika!”

Elon Musk & The Rock Are Costarring in an Adult Film

YouReadyGrandma

“I pulled all of my investments in Elon’s companies halfway into the movie because I was certain he had been [expletive] to death.”

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