“Simply put, Apple has accidentally created a shortcut through spacetime.”
“Nick will be up there competing for the same oxygen supply as the President for roughly an hour.”
Early reports confirm Trump stars in the film as Ronald Klump, an “incredibly-relatable, African American Trump supporter who ventures on a mission to get Mexico to pay for the wall.”
Trump is trying to rectify the situation by sending Civil War participation trophies to his seething supporters.
Gillette says they intend to replace the marketing team with all female, yet conservative employees “so both sides shut up.”
“We’re giving new mothers 24 hours off, 8 of which will be paid. That leaves plenty of time for doing Kegels.”
“I have never seen that much blood.”