New Samsung Phone Screen Will Cover Entire Surface, and More


Essentially, the screen will intuitively “follow” the assigned user who will have a locator chip implanted in…

Tom Brady Announces Retirement

Brady revealed that he was “very hurt” by the NFL’s decision to ban him for 4 games. Further, the release stated that he “couldn’t stand to see his team slighted like this” – referring to the lost draft picks and $1 million fine.

Seattle Regrets Raising the Minimum Wage to $15 an Hour

Indeed, people who work these “entry level jobs” are not only reportedly draining their struggling employers, but also complaining about it at the same time.

Star Quarterback Russell Wilson Announces “Hiatus From the Field”

“I will be abstaining from the locker room, and football i guess, for awhile because God spoke to me and told me that I should stop doing what I’m doing,” said Wilson. ” I told God right then and there that I would..

Breaking: Pope Francis Admits to Marijuana Usage


The Pope’s admission of cannabis usage understandably resulted in many follow-up questions. Lauren Green, Chief Religion Correspondent for the Fox News Channel, asked Pope Francis why he felt that he was “in any position to speak against so-called ‘modern capitalism’.”

Obama Purposely Weakens U.S. Army, Cuts 40,000 Troops


Indeed, it is common knowledge that if we reduce the U.S. Army’s presence in Alaska, from around 84,000 to just over…

BREAKING NEWS: 4th of July Stunner

In a shocking turn of events, it seems that people are gearing up for the Fourth of July by doing the exact same type of shit that they did last year. The grills are out, the beer is somewhat cold, Grandma just shit in the pool, and nobody is watching the kids. Your creepy uncle showed up with a ton of illegal fireworks in order to spend more time standing way too close behind you while whispering with his whiskey-soaked breath in your ear. “That’s it, get that fuse nice and hot. Yah… yah… that’s it…. AND DON’T YOU F$#%@ING TELL ANYONE ABOUT THIS!” Your grossly overweight, alcoholic aunt has waaaay too much to drink and starts bitching about the left-wing media and how she wants her burger done medium-rare and how she only trusts Fox News and that Obama is a Kenyan and that you should share the chips because they ARE for everyone. Three of the neighborhood kids lose fingers or become partially blinded. Grandpa is afraid that the dogs will eat the baby. Nobody can find the baby. Who the F put Grandpa in charge of the baby!?!? —– Happy 4th of July! Be safe out there!  Visit and “Like” my Facebook Page to get more of the latest important news updates.

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