Ex-Gay’s Parents Will Not Accept “New Lifestyle Choice”

YouReadyGrandma

“At this point I realized that something was up,” stated Johnson “because he would get mad if I walked on the side of him that the arrows on his shirt weren’t pointing at… and ALL of the shirts had an arrow.”

Widowed Grandmother Could Give “Two Shits” About “20-Something Year Old” Grandson’s “Feeling Lonely on Valentine’s Day” Facebook Status

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Man’s Penis Has Lost Almost All Confidence

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Daily Show’s John Stewart Steps Down, Brian Williams to Replace

YouReadyGrandma

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Plastic Bags Banned in Lexington, Kentucky

YouReadyGrandma

“We need to seriously reduce the amount of plastic-related deaths in Lexington,” Connor said.

The Lexington ban will leave ‘breathable’ paper bags as the only option for local residents. Restrictions on bags include all sizes of plastic trash/garbage bags, clear Ziplock bags, slider grip bags, and, – at Connors request – laboratory mini-grip re-sealing bags and specimen transportation bags.

Monsanto to Create Talking Food That Will Curb Loneliness, Overeating

YouReadyGrandma

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Somewhat Popular Pornography Genre Takes A Dive in Revenue

YouReadyGrandma

A recent in-depth study by the American Pornography Society (APS) reveals that the massive ongoing sex scandals in the Catholic Church have considerably hurt the “religious pervert on preteen” genre of the multi-billion dollar adult industry. Steve Owens, the head of Research and Development at APS tearfully released the shocking information late Friday night. “It’s just saddening. Saddening and disgusting,” Owens said, “To think that such a great genre of adult entertainment could be ransacked by such an evil group of unabashedly sick men.” Owens continued by stating the major differences between the boy rape of the Catholic Church and the “religious pervert on preteen” sex in the industry. “In porn, all of the sex is consensual, and none of the boys are under the age of eighteen,” he clarified, “However; in the Catholic Church, none of the sex was with boys of consenting age, lives were ruined, and 99% of the priests have never been criminally punished.” The head of APS PR also described the methods used by the Pope and his “minions” to cover up the atrocities. “Essentially, they played hide the rapist priest: here’s a rapist, find the rapist, where’s the raping priest? Round and round diocese to diocese he goes, who get’s raped? Nobody knows! Except the poor kids.” Now, according to APS statistical data (which was compiled in several double-blind studies), most people who used to enjoy this type of pornography now have no interest whatsoever. Stan Billings from Birmingham, AL described his new aversion to his former favorite porn. “I used to think of it as fantasy, pure fiction. I knew it wasn’t really illegal and that nobody was being hurt. That’s why I was okay with it. But now, the images just make me want to vomit and go on a church burning spree.” The APA reports that the genre went from making up 9% of the industry ($200,000,000) down to .03% ($79,000). It is believed that the remaining revenue is mostly coming from church leaders. “Also,” said Owens, “That number would be much higher if so many priests weren’t still getting the ‘real’ thing.” It is reported that this industry will try to rebound by releasing a $50 DVD/Blue Ray entitled “Priests Gone Wild!” Thank you for reading my latest informative news article. Check out more stories below – or like my Facebook Page to get the latest.

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