The National Rifle Association says that this Christmas the perfect last minute present for a new baby is a pocket knife. Notably, the announcement is a huge flip-flop after decades of the NRA saying that guns are perfectly safe for all ages.
“We all have to admit that babies are just a little, teeny tiny bit too young for guns,” NRA President Carolyn Meadows stated in a high-pitched voice while pinching her thumb and pointer finger together. “They’re more meant for toddlers and up.“
Notably, they NRA still firmly believes that the announcement is absolutely unfair to some infants.
“Sure, we all know that there are responsible babies that likely could handle a firearm without any issue, but this is kind of a legal gray area, so we’re just gonna play it safe here,” Meadows stated. “We don’t want to be sued again.”
Meadows also added that “real Americans” would only buy their babies American-made pocket knives.
“None of that Swiss Army B.S.!” Meadows shouted. “They’ve been pussies since World War I.”
As of press time Fox News’ Tucker Carlson was telling viewers that American-made pocket knives are the perfect last minute gift for any baby to play with.
“When I’m thinking babies, I’m thinking pocket knives. You really have to get your innocent, little one a pocket knife so he can defend himself!” a teary eyed Carlson stated. “Because babies are so vulnerable. Think about it. They can’t even walk.”