President Trump held a surprise rally late this morning in which Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong-un, and Jared Fogle all appeared on stage with him. When asked to explain why they were all there, Trump tried to skirt the issue.
“Putin? Isn’t that a dish of french fries and cheese curds topped with a brown gravy? Before this I’ve never heard of him,” Trump stated. “And subway? I’d never take the subway. Fake news! Besides, wasn’t Ghislaine Maxwell already arrested for the subway thing? Wonderful lady, wonderful lady.”
Trump told reporters that he was okay with Kim Jong-un’s appearance.
“Kim and I are cool. Very cool guy. Very misunderstood. We have a good relationship. It was a great surprise with him showing up!”
Trump said he had no regrets about what happened.
“Besides Kim, I don’t know who these guys are,” Trump stated. “But I’m sure they are all very fine people.”
As of press time, the four men had just finished up playing 18 holes of golf at Trump’s Mar-a-Lago. The round ended with a four-way tie of 18 strokes.