Congress Passes Unprecidented Gun Control Law

Congress Passes Strict Gun Control Law Limiting Mass Shootings to 37 Per Year

Just hours after the most recent school shooting – and with a shocking amount of Republican support – a new law has finally been passed to address gun violence in America.

The bill, which is entitled the ‘Act Legitimizing Morally Offensive Shootings Today,’ or A.L.M.O.S.T., will place restrictions on those selling guns, but only after 37 mass shootings have taken place in the calendar year.

Despite receiving close to $10,000 in donations from the NRA last year, Senator Ted Cruz made a notable speech.

“At some point we have to stand up and say that enough is enough – and that moment is close,” Cruz said before leaning in and whispering into the microphone “Soooo close.”

“This measure legally limits the number of yearly mass shootings to 37,” Cruz stated. “After 37 we will no longer allow gun dealers to operate without more responsibility.”

By law, after the limit is reached, the A.L.M.O.S.T. Act will require gun sellers to give buyers a stern glare and ask two questions:

“Are you crazy?”


“Are you going to shoot people?”

Senator Cruz emphasized that the questions should be asked with a “firm tone” and that those selling guns should “really seem like they mean it.”

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