Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky is now offering NATO beer and pizza if they agree to come help clear out Russian planes from Ukrainian airspace.
“It’s not much. Just a few little planes here and there. It shouldn’t take more than a couple hours if we all pitch in,” Zelensky said while speaking at a NATO meeting.
NATO Secretary General Jens Stoltenberg says he truly wants to assist, but thinks Zelensky is understating the amount of time and effort everything will take.
“Mr. Zelensky seems really desperate, so it leaves me to believe that there’s more to do in Ukraine than just clean up the airspace,” Stoltenberg stated. “I’m guessing we’ll finish clearing the skies and then Zelensky will be like ‘oh as long as you’re here, could you help me clear out the Russians on the ground too?'”
“Look. I get it. We’ve known each other for like 30 years, but we’re getting too old for this shit.”
As of press time NATO was preparing their response to Ukraine to let them know that “now is not a good time” because they “actually have prior engagements,” but to definitely let NATO know if they need anything else in the future.