Experts Say Letting U.S. Be Engulfed In Flames Would End COVID Across Country

Climate and infectious disease experts released a study today saying that in order to completely eradicate COVID-19 from the country that the government could simply burn all 2.27 billion acres of land that makes up the United States of America. Scientists are saying this is the quickest – and likely the only – option that will work since many Americans refuse to get vaccinated or wear a mask. Here’s what people are saying:

“Genius! This will solve the forest fire problem that the western U.S. has been having for the next several decades!” – Manny Sonjna, 45, unscheduled volunteer lifeguard
“So… what the fuck are we supposed to do now?” – Teddy Sullivan, 43, firefighter
“Since vaccinated people can’t die, I’m assuming we’ll all be just fine. Right?” – Sheryll Thompson, 49, Alabama’s top science teacher
“We should do whatever it takes to smoke it out and get COVID on the run, and believe me, we will get ’em!” – Former President George W. Bush
“We highly recommend that the government just let all of the forest fires burn out of control. Let’s make this nation look like the dumpster fire it really is.” – Ronald Wacloszki, 51, mad scientist