Intentions For Confederate Statues In Question After One Cracks During Removal & Candy Spills Out

CHARLOTTESVILLE, NC – Historians are calling into question the exact purpose of Confederate statues after a statue of Robert E. Lee cracked while being removed and pounds of Civil War era candy spilled out. Historian Debbie Arnato says it’s quite likely they were meant to be treated like giant piñatas.

“If the people who erected these statues didn’t want them to be destroyed, then why did they fill them with sweet, delicious candies?” Arnato stated while eating 150-year-old Necco Wafers and jelly beans. “Clearly these figures were meant to be destroyed and then enjoyed.”

As of press time thousands of people across the entire United States were beating the ever-living shit out of every last remaining Confederate statue to try to get some free candy.


Original Photo credit Eli Christman