Unruly Conservatives Will Be Tased ‘Mercilessly & Without Warning’ On Spirit Airlines

YouReadyGrandma
Unruly Conservatives Will Get Tased Mercilessly & Without Warning On Spirit Airlines

Reports of an extreme uptick in unruly behavior by conservative passengers has prompted Spirit Airlines to announce that they are now supplying crew members with tasers.

“In an average year, there are around 100 to 150 cases of bad passenger behavior,” Spirit Airlines CEO Edward Christie stated. “However, since the start of this 2021, that number has shot up to over 2,500, with 1,900 of which being right wing passengers who refused to comply with the federal mask mandate.”

Christie continued.

“It’s become quite clear that we’ve given passengers far too much leeway while they are aboard our planes.” Christie stated. “To empower our employees, we’ve added fine print to all tickets clearly stating that Spirit Airlines workers have the right to tase passengers – at any time – mercilessly and without warning.”

“If you refuse to wear a mask, you get tased,” Christie stated. “If you’re talking or not paying attention during the pre-flight safety briefing? Tased. Get out of your seat when the seatbelt sign is still lit up? Tased. Raising your voice? Tased. So much as look at us wrong. Tased.”

Christie says Spirit Airlines estimates that they will make an additional $750 million in revenue from the new rule, as anyone who is tased will be required to pay a $5,000 fine per shock.


Photo credit Marco Verch

Leave a Comment

Next Post

Senate Democrats Form New Commission To Investigate How Republicans Can Live With Themselves

Bewildered by their political counterparts, Senate Democrats voted today to form a new commission that will hopefully help them to understand exactly how Republicans are able to live with themselves. Referred to as the F.A.C.T.S. Commission – short for Finding Acceptance for Conservatives and Their Scandals – Democrats say the new agency will take on one issue at a time in order to “try to learn how Republicans can even sleep at night.” According to Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer, the first order of business for the new commission will be understanding how Republicans can morally justify not wanting to investigate the January 6th Capitol insurrection. When reached for comment on the new commission, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell said he was “not a fan of F.A.C.T.S.” “As far as the Republican Party is concerned there’s absolutely no place for F.A.C.T.S. on the Senate floor,” McConnell mumbled. “It will be a cold day in hell when we let things like F.A.C.T.S. distract us from our agenda.” As of press time McConnell was forming his own commission to counter F.A.C.T.S. called the Commission On Vindicating Every Republican Upholding Peace, or C.O.V.E.R.U.P. Photo credit Kimberly Vardeman
democrats form commission to determine how republicans can live with themselves
%d bloggers like this: