‘Saying No To The Commission Doesn’t Imply We’re Guilty’ McConnell Chants With Hypnotized Republicans

'Saying No To The Commission Doesn't Mean You're Guilty' McConnell Chants At Hypnotized Republicans

Mitch McConnell (R-KY) was seen hypnotizing fellow Republicans on the Senate floor today with the clear goal of making them feel okay with voting ‘no’ on the January 6th commission.

“Voting against the Capitol insurrection investigation in no way implies that Republicans are admitting guilt – or trying to cover up anything,” McConnell uttered into a microphone before pulling out a pocket watch on a chain.

Now that he had everyone’s attention, McConnell began the hypnosis by slowly swinging the watch back and forth.

“You’re getting sleepy. Very sleepy,” McConnell mumbled. “I want you to close your eyes and I’m going to count backward from ten. When I snap my fingers you will find yourself in a deep state of relaxation; like when you hear that an inmate on death row was killed, or how it feels to rest your head on a My Pillow at night.”

McConnell counted down and then snapped his fingers; leaving the Senators in a trance.

“Now, repeat after me,” McConnell muttered.

“Saying ‘no’ to the January 6th commission doesn’t imply we’re guilty of anything. Saying ‘no’ to the January 6th commission doesn’t imply we’re guilty of anything. Saying ‘no’ to the January 6th commission doesn’t imply we’re guilty of anything.”

Their voices echoed throughout the Senate chamber.

After nearly 15 minutes of chanting, McConnell released the Senators from the hypnosis by whispering “They’re coming for your guns” – causing every Republican in the room to snap back to their skewed version of reality.

Leave a Comment

Next Post

Unruly Conservatives Will Be Tased 'Mercilessly & Without Warning' On Spirit Airlines

Reports of an extreme uptick in unruly behavior by conservative passengers has prompted Spirit Airlines to announce that they are now supplying crew members with tasers. “In an average year, there are around 100 to 150 cases of bad passenger behavior,” Spirit Airlines CEO Edward Christie stated. “However, since the start of this 2021, that number has shot up to over 2,500, with 1,900 of which being right wing passengers who refused to comply with the federal mask mandate.” Christie continued. “It’s become quite clear that we’ve given passengers far too much leeway while they are aboard our planes.” Christie stated. “To empower our employees, we’ve added fine print to all tickets clearly stating that Spirit Airlines workers have the right to tase passengers – at any time – mercilessly and without warning.” “If you refuse to wear a mask, you get tased,” Christie stated. “If you’re talking or not paying attention during the pre-flight safety briefing? Tased. Get out of your seat when the seatbelt sign is still lit up? Tased. Raising your voice? Tased. So much as look at us wrong. Tased.” Christie says Spirit Airlines estimates that they will make an additional $750 million in revenue from the new rule, as anyone who is tased will be required to pay a $5,000 fine per shock. Photo credit Marco Verch
Unruly Conservatives Will Get Tased Mercilessly & Without Warning On Spirit Airlines
%d bloggers like this: