CNN Fires Rick Santorum After Realizing He’s Just A Half-Baked Ham Balancing On An Empty Suit

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CNN cut ties with former political commentator and two-time failed GOP presidential candidate Rick Santorum today after realizing that he was just a half-baked ham balancing on an empty suit. CNN, who had allowed Santorum to be on air since January of 2017, made a public statement about the firing.

“First and foremost we want to apologize to our viewers,” the statement read. “We have no idea how we signed a contract with a half-baked ham that is balancing on – what is quite clearly – an empty suit.”

“As of this time CNN is scrutinizing all of our anchors, correspondents and commentators to ensure that we have not made any similar mistakes.”

Notably, rival news network Fox News has been suspiciously quiet on the topic; likely because they do not want their audience to find out that all of their employees are actually just wolves in sheep’s clothing.