Bill Gates No Longer Compatible With Melinda After Update To Unsupported Version Of Relationship


After having tried everything to roll back an unsupported update meant to start a “new phase” of their relationship, Bill and Melinda Gates are getting divorced. “Unfortunately Melinda and I are unable to return to the previous version of our relationship,” a teary-eyed Bill Gates stated. “More often than not, these updates are good; however, they can also break your marriage.” Mr. Gates also made it clear that the couple’s divorce has nothing to do with performance problems or anything about him being “Microsoft.” Interestingly, because of a poorly-written prenuptial agreement, Melinda will be getting all of the houses and Bill will only be getting the windows. Photo credit Kjetil Ree

Facebook Threatens To Charge Users A Fee If They Don’t Share Their ‘Deepest, Darkest Secret’


Users of both Facebook and Instagram have reportedly been receiving a pop-up agreement with a cryptic message giving them the option to either share their worst secret, or be charged a fee to continue using the social media platforms. “To keep Facebook and Instagram free of charge, please provide us with your deepest, darkest secret in the space provided below and you will not be charged a fee to continue using our services,” part of the message reads. “We promise to never use this information to blackmail you.” Many are also criticizing the payment plans being offered. Those who wish to keep their most confidential information to themselves, but still want to use the platforms can pay $29.99 for three months of Facebook and Instagram access – which auto-renews after just two months. Another option is for users to be charged one cent per every like, share, or comment they make. As of right now there isn’t a monthly or yearly plan. Additionally, users will still see targeted advertisements despite being paying customers. Photo credit 

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