Billionaire Bill Gates is set to release a depressing new book next week titled ‘The Future Sucks: Why We Should Give Up Now’. Gates, who is typically known for his cautious optimism, says there’s no hope for humanity anymore.
“If we want to survive climate change and be able to feed everyone, we’ll all have to be eating fake meat by 2030,” Gates stated. “But we all know that’s never going to fucking happen, so instead of delaying the inevitable, we might as well just give up right now.”
As of press time PETA released a statement disavowing all previous stances on animal cruelty and sustainability.
“Since reading an early copy of Mr. Gates’ book, a large percentage of vegans and vegetarians have started eating meat and other animal-based products again,” the PETA statement read. “Because if everyone else isn’t going to try, we might as well speed things up by joining in on the delicious decimation of our planet.”
Experts say that the vegans who have reverted back to their old dietary ways have increased their carbon footprints by as much as 70% and decreased their level of fucks given down to zero.