Trump Frantically Ties Hundreds of Handwritten ‘Tweets’ to Pigeons

Trump Carrier Pigeons Twitter Ban


Hundreds of pigeons bearing handwritten messages from Donald Trump were released from the White House today after Trump was banned from Twitter and nearly every other social media site. The president – who was annoyed by the birds flying around and shitting on him in the Oval Office – had the birds’ wings clipped, thus preventing them from flying and essentially banning himself from using pigeons as a method of communication.

Notably, experts have pointed out that the birds weren’t even carrier pigeons. As of press time nearly 1,000 now-flightless birds were walking around and defecating on the White House’s North Lawn.