Ellen Infects Entire Staff With COVID So She Can Keep Taping Show

Ellen Infects Entire Staff With COVID So She Can Keep Taping Show

Ellen DeGeneres told fans today that she has tested positive for COVID-19. Yet, in an effort to continue filming her famous “12 Days of Giveaways,” Ellen admits that she still went into work this morning without telling anyone her diagnosis and proceeded to cough all over her employees.

“If we all have it, then we can all continue working,” Ellen smiled before coughing directly on her assistant’s face. “And this way everyone on my team gets to keep receiving paychecks. It’s a win, win!”

The TV host and comedian then grabbed a traffic cone prop and began shouting through it at everyone in the studio.

“I feel just like Oprah!” DeGeneres laughed before coughing one-by-one into individual employee’s faces through the cone while shouting “You get COVID! (cough) You get COVID! (cough) Everyone gets COVID! (cough, cough cough).”

As of press time, at least 17 lawsuits have been filed against DeGeneres.

Photo credit Toglenn

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Supreme Court Congratulates Biden, Says 'No Evidence of Voter Fraud'

The US Supreme Court issued a rare message to the general public today letting the country know that they’d “gladly take on an election case if there were any real [expletive] evidence of voter fraud.” “Although we have taken on countless controversial issues throughout this nation’s history – such as abortion and gay marriage – these election lawsuits have no standing. A trial can take place when there’s a shred of goddamned evidence, but it’s become clear that there isn’t any. Donald Trump should be ashamed of himself.” The nine justices then continued to shock the country by congratulating Joe Biden on his victory. “President Elect Joe Biden should be proud of the race he ran and his clear victory,” the letter read. “He’s been nothing but composed and compassionate in the face of utter buffoonery coming on a daily basis from Mr. Trump. As far as decorum goes, Donald Trump will not be missed. What an asshole.”
Supreme Court Congratulates Joe Biden on Win and Says No Voter Fraud in election
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