White House Orders Thousands of Straws For Trump to Continue Grasping At

White House orders Trump more straws to grasp at

Staffers are reporting that the White House received a huge shipment of straws today after president Trump grasped at every last one he could find while trying to come up with a believable reason to overturn election results.

“The president may have temporarily run out of straws, but he didn’t run out of additional challenges to the 2020 election,” one staffer stated. “With this new shipment of straws we expect that Mr. Trump will be able to contest the election for at least five or six more weeks.”

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Taylor Swift's New Album of Only Fart Noises Goes Platinum in Just 10 Minutes

Proving that Taylor Swift fans will buy anything she puts out, the singer’s newest album – which is comprised of just her farting – went platinum in only 10 minutes. Titled ‘Squeak Now,’ Swift’s latest album features farting that lasts for 13 tracks, or nearly 70 minutes. The singer also announced that she will be releasing a special edition album with commentary and two, live-version bonus tracks. Notably Swift says she made this album entirely by herself using all five restrooms in her Beverly Hills house. Photo Credit Eva Rinaldi
Taylor Swift Album of Only Farts Goes Platinum
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