Trump Signs Executive Order Pre-Pardoning Himself of Any Crimes

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Trump signs executive order pre-pardoning himself

President Trump signed an executive order today that pardoned himself for “any and all crimes in the past, present, or future” – ensuring that even if he loses the election that he will still have absolute immunity for the rest of his life.

“I’m not saying that I did anything wrong, but if I did I didn’t mean to; it was an accident,” Trump stated. “And if I did, it’s not really a big deal because others have done far worse. And if I accidentally commit more crimes in the future it won’t matter because I’m signing this executive order right now.”

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Civil War 'Unlikely' as Most Trump Supporters Are Sick With COVID

Looking to ease the nation’s worries that the United States is on the brink of civil war, historians have come together to point out that too many Trump supporters have gotten COVID for the modern day South to physically rise again. “Most of Mr. Trump’s strongest supporters are now sick, dying, or dead as they’ve attended Trump’s super-spreader rallies in the past few weeks, or simply refused to social distance and wear masks,” one historian stated. “They don’t have the strength or numbers to fight a war, much less to make it to the polling places to cast their vote. Because of this, a civil war is quite unlikely.”
Civil War 'Unlikely' as Most Trump Supporters Are Sick With COVID
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