Hurricanes Laura and Marco multiplied into eight storms today after the Trump administration detonated nuclear weapons inside of the two weather systems in hopes of destroying them. Meteorologists say that people in the path of the hurricanes should prepare themselves for radioactive winds and rain by covering themselves – and everything they care about – in materials that block radiation, such as lead, tungsten, and bismuth.
Notably, the World Meteorological Organization has deviated from the tradition of naming the storms after people and is instead calling the eight new radioactive hurricanes:
- Not Today Satan
- Oh, C’mon!
- Please God, Make It Stop!
- Really? REALLY!?
- Shit, shit, shit!
- This Is The End, and
Despite what happened today, the Trump administration is calling the nuclear detonations a big success.
“Any attempt to label this as a ‘mistake’ or a ‘blunder’ is completely false and misleading,” White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany stated. “The president did what he set out to do. He completely destroyed hurricanes Laura and Marco, and now we just have to finish the job by blowing up the rest of the storms.”