(The Astral Plane) After being essentially hands-off for millennia, the Devil and God stunned the world today when they publicly begged conservatives in America to stop screwing around and take the pandemic seriously. Both rulers reported that their individual dominions are nearing capacity due to COVID deaths; the majority of which are coming from the United States.
“If Americans want out of this mess they’re going to have to knock some sense into the right wing,” the Devil stated. “Honestly, it’s getting hard to tell the difference between my realm and whatever the hell is going on up there.”
God expressed similar sentiments.
“The rate at which people are dying is outpacing how quickly we can build additional living space here in Heaven. Conservatives need to get their shit together or we’re going to have angels living under the overpass.” God stated. “And for the love of Me, don’t try to reopen the fucking schools because they’ll be closed within a week. I guarantee you that.”
Photo credit James Cridland