Trump to Ban Dating Apps as Fauci Calls For ‘Slut Shaming’ to Curb Pandemic

YouReadyGrandma

President Trump put out a statement today in which he said he would be banning all dating apps with an executive order in the coming week. The move comes after experts found that random sexual encounters were fueling the pandemic.

“We have become aware that individuals using apps to hook up are a major cause for the spread of the Chinese virus,” Trump stated. “In fact, the use of these apps has increased during the pandemic and now accounts for up to 40% of the spread. So if your promiscuous friends or streetwalking family members have been sleeping around like trampy hos, be sure to put them in their place.”

In a show of unity, Dr. Anthony Fauci also gave a statement today saying that it is now “not only socially acceptable, but critical that citizens ridicule everyone who tries to hook up during the pandemic.”

“Together, we can slut shame our way out of this troubling time,” Fauci stated. “Man, woman, teen, or senior citizen – if you see them trying to hook up – go ahead and humiliate the hell out of them and you’ll be doing your country a great service.”

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Embarrassed Trump Walks Out On News Conference After Loud Fart

President Trump abruptly ended a news conference after ripping a loud fart in front of a crowd of supporters and reporters at an event in Bedminster, New Jersey today. During an exchange, CBS News White House correspondent Paula Reid called Trump out for lying about creating the Veterans Choice program. When Trump tried to ignore Reid and call on another reporter, Reid said, “You said that you passed Veterans Choice. It was passed in 2014… It was a false statement, sir.” Just then, the president let out a loud fart, turned bright red, and responded, “OK. Thank you very much, everybody.” Trump then slowly shuffled sideways off stage – having likely soiled himself – while the song “YMCA” began playing. Until today, Trump had never been heard farting while in public, although many staffers have reported that the president will frequently let out long farts while walking that squeak with every step. Notably, Trump’s fart marked the 1,500th time the president has used hot air and a load of crap to get out of answering a question. Photo Credit Michael Vadon
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