Are Masks Safe?: Choking Deaths Quadruple as Americans Forget to Remove Masks Before Eating

YouReadyGrandma

Over 22,400 Americans have choked to death in 2020 – more than four times the yearly average. Experts say the cause is an uptick in less intelligent Americans finally agreeing to wear masks and then forgetting to remove them before eating.

“What we’re seeing is a sizable group of slower people – who were initially refusing to wear masks because the president wasn’t – that are now choking to death on the protective gear,” Dr. Richard Huffman stated. “They get hungry and they neglect to remove their mask before pushing food into their mouths.”

As of press time, experts had no solution to the problem.

“I don’t know what to say anymore; I think nature just wants these people dead,” Huffman stated.

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Guy Who Loves Both Heavy Metal & Country Music Not to Be Trusted

(Des Plaines, Illinois) Friends and family of local man Kyle Whitmore, who proudly declares himself a heavy metal and country music lover, say he’s a train wreck who is not to be trusted. Friends describe Whitmore and his playlists as being emotionally jarring, unnerving, and incoherent. “Kyle lives in a world of mainstream, shitty pop with southern accents and lyrics about tractors, trucks, girls, jeans, boots, and beers which collides with heavy metal’s war, doom, misery, destruction and violent aggression,” Kyle’s girlfriend Becky Steadman stated. “With Kyle you never know what God-awful song will come on next, much less what he wants or who he is as a person.” As of Wednesday afternoon, Steadman said she was going to force Whitmore to pick just one type of music or she would be leaving him. “What I can’t do is sit here anymore and watch as Kyle wears his Iron Maiden and Judas Priest shirts with his cowboy boots and hat,” an emotional Steadman stated. “That’s no way to live.” Photo Credit Buckangel
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