President Trump shared a video on Twitter yesterday featuring a doctor named Stella Immanuel who claimed that she’s cured COVID-19 with hydroxychloroquine. Within minutes of posting the video, it was revealed that Dr. Immanuel also believes that having sexual intercourse with demons is the cause of diseases and that the government is run by reptilians.
“If this source is good enough for Donald, then it is good enough for me,” an elated Melania Trump stated. “So beginning today – for personal health reasons – I will no longer be fulfilling any sexual aspects of my marriage contract until someone can prove to me that my husband isn’t an evil lizard-demon.”
As of press time vice president Mike Pence said that he “fully supported” Melania’s decision, admitting that he has “never had sex with Mother for any reason other than procreation.”