Melania Avoids Donald After Learning ‘Sex With Demons Causes Disease’

YouReadyGrandma

President Trump shared a video on Twitter yesterday featuring a doctor named Stella Immanuel who claimed that she’s cured COVID-19 with hydroxychloroquine. Within minutes of posting the video, it was revealed that Dr. Immanuel also believes that having sexual intercourse with demons is the cause of diseases and that the government is run by reptilians.

“If this source is good enough for Donald, then it is good enough for me,” an elated Melania Trump stated. “So beginning today – for personal health reasons – I will no longer be fulfilling any sexual aspects of my marriage contract until someone can prove to me that my husband isn’t an evil lizard-demon.”

As of press time vice president Mike Pence said that he “fully supported” Melania’s decision, admitting that he has “never had sex with Mother for any reason other than procreation.”

Leave a Comment

Next Post

'A Few Children Left Behind Program' Will Send Least Promising Kids to School to See If Classrooms Are Safe

Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos announced her new ‘A Few Children Left Behind Program’ today which will allow schools to reopen on time in a limited capacity. Devos says that she’ll be sending the 10 least promising students per classroom back to school to see if reopening is safe. “We now realize that it was unrealistic to try to fit so many kids in such a confined space during a pandemic,” DeVos stated. “So instead we’ve decided that the 10 worst performing students per class from last year will be our guinea pigs so we can ensure that we are providing a safe learning environment for our gifted students.” DeVos says once she feels it’s safe, that she’ll be swapping the 10 initial test children out with the 10 smartest kids from the class. “If relatively few of the students are falling ill, dying, or spreading the virus then we’ll make that switch and let the kids with actual futures continue their educations,” DeVos stated.
%d bloggers like this: