Mike Ditka Says He’s Having a Hard Time Achieving Orgasm During the National Anthem


Former NFL player and coach Mike Ditka says he’s having an increasingly difficult time achieving orgasm during the national anthem like he used to. Ditka says the reason for his troubles is that he’s become distracted by liberals sitting, keeling, walking out, not removing hats, and not placing their hands over their hearts during the song.

“I used to be able to finish with no hands, but now I can’t stay focused at all during the anthem. It’s like I’m trying to get to climax with my fellow patriots, but my mind wanders to commie liberals and I can’t key into those feelings of pleasure like I used to,” Ditka stated. “Eventually I just get frustrated because I can’t focus on freedom and I give up because it’s way too hard to finish when you’re crying.”

As of press time Ditka was calling for all liberals who refuse to stand for the national anthem to leave the country so that he can once again jizz his pants during the song.

Photo credit WEBN-TV

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